“My family keeps commenting on my body and it makes me really uncomfortable, what should I do?”

Hey Base Bestie - Amelia (Dietitian) here!

This can be a tricky situation to navigate, so thank you for your question!

Here at BASE, we hold a strong position that it is never ok to comment on someone else’s body.

We’re talking about comments like:

“Wow you’ve lost so much weight”

“I can see your fat rolls when you sit down”

“Your hip bones are sticking out”

“You shouldn’t wear those pants, they make you look frumpy”

Firstly, let’s explore why commenting on the body is problematic...

Commenting on someone else's body can lead to a number of issues for the individual (and society in general - I’m looking at you diet culture). Unsolicited comments can result in feelings of shame and anxiety. We know that these types of comments can build up and often snowball into feelings of low self worth, shame and guilt. This can impact our relationships with ourselves and others. 

Here’s a few gripes we have unsolicited comments on bodies:

1.   It draws attention to the body, enforcing the idea that the body’s appearance is very important. Comments on the body (especially in the absence of comments on a person’s personality) can encourage a person to think and believe that their body is more valuable than their character.

2.     It re-enforces beauty ideals, inferring that there is one type of body that is “better” or “worse”. It can also put pressure on the need to conform to a certain body shape – whether that is to stay the body shape they currently are, or to change their current shape.

3.     Makes assumptions about the health of a body – For example, if someone visits their extended family at Christmas, and they say “omg you look great, you’ve lost so much weight!”, the family may think that this is a “positive” thing, however the individual may know that they have been struggling to eat due to depression or anxiety or an eating disorder. Remember – you cannot tell someone’s health just by looking at them.

Before we dive in with how to respond, let’s explore things from the commenters perspective:

Depending on who you’re talking to, the person commenting on your body may have had different life experiences to you. They might be a different age, gender, body shape/size, race etc. Take a moment to reflect on the below questions

• Does this person have a healthy body image themselves?

• Has this person been raised in a world that has forced them to be negatively influenced by diet culture?

• Could this person have been unfairly treated because of their own appearance?

• Has this person been educated about body acceptance and/or healthy self-esteem?

Once you’re able to reflect on the point of view of the other person in the conversation, here are a few ways you may be able to react:

I call these strategies the “3xC’s” – Challenge, Change and Chat to yourself.

1.      CHALLENGE the commenter’s perspective and inform them that it makes you feel uncomfortable.

 You might say “Hey I know you might have good intentions, but commenting on my body makes me feel uncomfortable and I’m trying my best to improve how I feel in my own skin. In the future, can you try not to comment on how I look?”

This might even open up a conversation for you to educate them on body acceptance. “Have you heard of body acceptance? It’s all about being compassionate and respectful towards all bodies, regardless of how they look.”

2.      CHANGE…. If you’re not feeling safe to challenge them, change the conversation to something more neutral.

Remember: You don’t have to engage with that topic of conversation if it’s causing you more distress. Continuous engagement in discussions can result in unhelpful ruminating thoughts on your own body and eating behaviours.

Some neutral topics might be…

-          Weather:   “Gee it’s hot today, Can we turn the air-con on?”

-          Pets:  “Gosh Fluffy’s fur is really soft, what shampoo do you use with her?”

-          Sports: “Did you watch the footy last night, what a close game!”

-          TV shows: “I think I’m going to re-watch Stranger Things, have you seen it before?”

-          Study:“I had my English exam last week, and I passed – yew!”

3.     CHAT TO YOURSELF in kind, compassionate and self- affirming terms.

If challenging and changing the conversation doesn’t feel safe (or hasn’t worked.) It’s time to take the power into your own hands. It’s totally ok to leave the conversation and take a moment to yourself. Here is where it’s important to speak kindly to yourself. This is where we break the cycle of unhelpful chatter around bodies in society.

Some examples of statements you might say to yourself could be…

“My body is a vessel that carries me to all the fun things in life”

“My body is the least interesting thing about who I am as a person, I am kind, funny and smart”

“No one will remember if my tummy is flat at my funeral, I want to be remembered by being adventurous and living life to the fullest”

So that’s the end of my journal entry on body comments. *Take a breath* There was a LOT we unpacked here. 

I hope these 3xC tips resonate with you! Send us a DM on insta @basehealthanded to let us know how you go! 

ALSO! Did you know that this week (September 2nd-8th 2024) is Body Image and Eating Disorder Awareness Week?

#BIEDAW 

It’s a perfect opportunity to deepen your understanding of body image distress and eating disorders. We invite and encourage you to take the time to reflect on your own relationship with your body, to learn from reputable sources and to listen to those with lived experience.

-Amelia Weddell, Accredited Practicing Dietitian, Credentialed Eating Disorder Clinician